![[icon]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/88152301/15536668) |
ALLI
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| I try not to think about the fact that it's the holiday season and I am alone. Something about that is unsettling.
Forget all the "its great to be single" talk. Who are we kidding? There's nothing pleasant about not having someone to come home to. Or someone to ask how your day was.
I just went to boston market for a quick bite. I lifted my head up and I was surrounded by couples. There wasn't one person in that place that wasn't with someone. Which made me realize....
I am completely alone and I hate it. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| FUCKINGGGG DOUCHE BAG. it's taking everything in me not to fucking cry my eyes out right now.
seeing brian while i was in nj was not a good idea. it just reminded me of how good our connection was, how good it felt. big mistake. he is still the same fucking asshole that i dated.
its not even like he's intentionally an asshole. it's just how he is, and i can't seem to get past it. like, he's always short with his texts. but he has ALWAYS been like that. i don't know why it bothers me more now than it ever did. maybe i am just sick of it. he's always busy. he works all the fucking time, goes to school the rest of the time. which is fine, i can't diss that. even on his days off he's always going going going. it's difficult to ever get any attention out of him, and it makes me feel like absolute shit. maybe i am needy, but a daily phone call for 5 MINUTES just to say hi and see how my day was isn't too much to ask for, is it? i get texts, but i hate texts. they aren't intimate. it's just.. ahh i don't know.
i told him to stop contacting me and that i was done with whatever this is because i deserve way better. when i call you once a day and half the time you don't answer, and the other half you rush me off the phone cause you're "driving" or "on my way to class" or "busy" or "out", it kind of pisses me off after awhile.
but the fact that i told him to leave me alone and he just does, with no effort, its like, WHAT THE FUCK. at least TRY and fight for me, at least ACT like you give a fuck that i'm walking out of your life. it's like when i tell him these things he just grabs my coat off the rack and says "ok, here you go. here allison... let me get the door for you"
i am so fucking upset. i am beyond the point of being miserable without him, now i am just fucking angry.
i go on his facebook just to snoop, and what do i see? a cute new picture of him and his girlfriend. fucking fantastic. almost like he wanted me to see it. funny because last week on the phone when we had the "why are you still with her and why am i waiting for you if you have a girlfriend" conversation, he said they were constantly fighting and about to break up anyway. they must be on good terms again, because he doesn't seem to feel the need to chase after me. fucking pitiful i am.
FUCK HIM. i want to fucking rip his heart out. if it wasn't completely immature and uncalled for, i would sooo be sending his girlfriend a very long detailed message about the past 6 months of their relationship and how he was cheating on her the entire time, with me. but for some reason i can not bring myself to do it. i don't know why. he fucking deserves it.
i don't know what to do. i want to fucking shoot him. i want to get over this. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| i am so lonely down here. i just need someone to talk to. someone that gives a shit what i have to say and doesn't just start talking about their own problems. i feel like most of my friends do that. i will call them upset and wanting to talk and the conversation will just end up with them cutting me off and talking about what's wrong with them. and i listen. i always do. like, wtf. what about me? nicole is the only friend of mine that actually listens to me. if i didn't have her i don't know what i would do. she gives me advice and i actually feel like she gives a shit about how i feel. i feel bad talking her ear off all of the time though. but it's good for me.
i am so upset with everything. i am over TSPA. i can not wait to get out of there. i just hit my 600 hour mark, so i am half way done. i am so stressed though. i feel like they help me, but then i feel like they try and set me back. that school is all about keeping you motivated, but then they suspend you for stupid bullshit and it feels like they don't give a fuck about your success. i am so close to meeting my numbers for the month and 5 days before the month is up they suspend me for two of them. REALLY? come on.
i just hate this place. i am trying not to be negative but fuck. it just sucks. i want to go back to new jersey. i hate being alone. when i moved back to jersey and saw all my old friends i was so happy. even though i lived by myself i wasn't ever lonely because i went to sleep knowing that that was where i wanted to be. i was so happy there. maybe not right before i left, but that's because i was having financial problems. i know when i go back and get a job in a salon i am not going to have to worry about that kind of stuff anymore. i just hope i can get an apartment or rent a house with my shitty credit. that's what i am worried about.
i'm also sick of chasing someone that is clearly in love with someone else. he still texts me every day but it's like, what the fuck am i even fighting for? there's no guarantee that when i get back up there we're gonna have the same connection that we did in the past. i realize he is putting no effort into me whatsoever, so it's like, what am i doing? i'm holding onto what we were, and i'm holding onto old feelings. to be honest with you, if i saw him now i wouldn't even know who he was. i would, but not really. things would be different. and if he can't leave his girlfriend now to wait for me, what makes me think he is going to leave her in another 4 months when i move back? i just don't know. i don't know whether it's cause i'm lonely down here or what. i tried moving on. i've gotten guys numbers and not to sound slutty but i've even slept with 2 guys since i have been here. i didn't have feelings for them, i just thought the feel of another man would help me. but it didn't and it's like, ugh, it just makes me feel worse. i need to tell him that i'm done with whatever you call this, because i feel like my heart is involved way too much and he isn't half as involved as i am anymore. it just hurts. i really do love him. i don't know.
i just don't know what to do anymore. i like my friends down here but i don't feel like they truly care about me. not that i ever felt like any of my friends did but i don't know. i thought that me going to school was going to make me feel better about myself, like i have my life on track, but it doesn't. because i don't want to be here. i know even if i went back home to nj it wouldn't be like i think it would be. it's just depressing....
i'm so lost. i just need someone to talk to. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | the fact of the matter is, no matter how much shit he has put me through, any time he has hurt me or upset me, all the fighting, lying, bullshit, and drama we have had, i love him and he is who i want to be with. the good is so good that it outweighs any bad. i don't care if he has a girlfriend. i don't care what he's doing. as long as he's doing what he needs to do i'm okay with that. i am willing to put my feelings aside just to know that he is happy. but i know that what he tells me is genuine. i am going to fight for this, harder than i've ever fought for anything in my life, because i know who he is and how he feels about me, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks but him. i know he loves me, and i know that if i was up there it WOULD be me and him. but i'm not, and it won't work if i am down here. i am done school in 4 short months, and i will do everything in my power to make it back up to new jersey to live. if i don't take the risk of going up there to be with him, then i will ALWAYS wonder what it could have been. and i know that after all that him and i have been through, something is still bringing us together. even after 4 months of not physically seeing each other, we still need to talk every day. something is still there. we connect better than words can explain. and that is a bond that i have never had with any other man in my life. this is beyond love. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i guess i am going to update on here because maybe it will make me feel better.
lets start with the good. i guess.
well, i am doing absolutely amazing in school. i am so proud of myself. i finally have found something that i want to follow through with and work hard at. i work hard every day and it pays off because it makes me feel good about myself. everyone at school tells me how great i am, all the girls want ME to do their hair, i'm getting new requests out the ass and i've always got a client in my chair. that makes me happy.
i took off school tomorrow because one of my friends invited me to do a bachelorette party's hair and makeup for a photo shoot in orlando. i am a bit nervous but this will look amazing on my resume. they got a penthouse suite at some expensive hotel in orlando. we are leaving tomorrow morning and are going to relax by the pool with the girls for a few hours and kind of break the ice and get to know them. there's about 8-10 of them. then we are doing their hair and makeup for a photoshoot. then later on that night they are taking us out for drinks with them and we will probably do their hair once again. our drinks and room stay is paid for and they are going to tip us. i don't even care about the money i am just excited about the experience.
everything is good. i have made a lot of new girlfriends and they seem to be keeping me company on my down time. they are all amazing and we all bond because we have the same thing in common. it's great. but i am still upset.
i am missing brian, bad. let me just say, i am so dumb for feeling this way. ive been down here for almost 3 months and its still so hard for me. we stopped talking about two weeks ago because he said something that really fucked me up and i can never get past it. here's the deal..
he had kept telling me that he missed me and to come see him, and i kept telling him i was broke and couldnt. i really am broke. so finally i got so swept up in his bullshit that i thought if maybe i went and saw him things would go back to the way they were and he would realize i was right for him, or something. so i begged my dad to pay for me to go to atlantic city so i could spend a weekend with him. i didn't even tell anyone else i was going. i just wanted it to be me and him.
well about a week after i made everything official he starts ignoring me and then a day and a half later claims "his phone was dead" which it was off, cause i called him.... but if he really wanted to talk to me i'm sure he would have had the urge to charge it. so after that happening about 3 or 4 times i called him out on it and he tells me he "cant handle having two lives separate of each other" ummm ok then why the fuck did he tell me to come to nj?
so at this point i knew he wasn't going to meet me in AC, he had never once told me he was excited or looking forward to it or anything like that. so i knew he wasn't coming. i called him and told him how i felt, i was so fucking upset that he was just blowing me off like i was nothing. i knew it was over at this point, like, REALLY over, i just didn't want it to be. and no matter how hard i tried i couldn't get him back. i tried so hard. it just didn't work. i asked him why he changed his mind and he said "because it was obvious that you have moved on and are out having fun" umm i'm sorry. you have a fucking GIRLFRIEND. what does he want me to do? sit and sulk while he's on vaca? i'm not doing that, because i did for the first month and it got me nowhere.
i told him i really didn't want him to come to AC after all this and he said "well if that's the case then this conversation is over" and i told him it wasn't fair to me and i'm not going to BEG him to come and see me. i'm flying 1000 miles and he has to drive 40. i shouldn't have to beg. ESPECIALLY cause he thought it was ok to just ignore me for over a day when he didn't feel like talking to me. and he got angry and said "listen. i don't need you in my life anymore. i don't." that's what did it for me. hearing him say that, and the WAY he said it. the sincerity behind his voice just made my heart break into a 1000 little pieces. i couldn't even speak when i heard that. it knocked the wind out of me. i think it was because i knew it was true. i had known it for weeks but i just didn't want to believe it. i screamed at him to fuck himself and hung up the phone. i was shaking because i was so upset.
i texted him out of anger shortly after and told him he was a truly scummy person for doing what he did to me. and he says "you don't know a single thing about me." so i said if you don't need me, fine, fuck you i'm gone. don't ever contact me again. and that was that.
i hate the fact that i can still be in love with someone that's been SO shitty to me. i still can't look at other men. i still can't stop thinking about him. and all the while he's out with his girlfriend (which, they have been together for 2 months and are already saying i love you to each other, cute right? seeing that is like taking a bullet) and has completely moved on with his life. i have moved on too, but not from him. at the same time i fucking hate him though. but that anger is turning into frustration which is turning into me being broken hearted and he is the only one that can make it better. so what am i to do? i want to call him. but i refuse to. because i know he doesn't care. and i am too angry to call him.
i've never been hurt like this. not this bad. i just want him to text me, or something. like, anything. maybe even an apology. i deserve that much. but the fact that he doesn't even care enough to TRY and talk to me shows enough in itself. it is fucking killing me. i would never take him back, and i know i deserve better. i don't even want to be civil with him. it just eats me up that he doesn't give a fuck less about me. i showed him how truly great i was. i gave him my all. i gave him everything. all my love, all my support. i never cheated, never lied, never went behind his back about anything. i put him before me. and all he did was fuck me over left and right. and he doesn't even see it for what it is. THAT'S what hurts me the most.
i don't know. i need to get the fuck over it already. when i think about him my stomach balls up and it makes me feel like i'm going to throw up. it's not a very good feeling i must say.
but at least i still am going to AC. i have a few different people coming out every night to hang out and i know i will have a good time. but i know that as soon as i step outside of the airport and take my first breath of fresh new jersey air, he is going to be the first thing that comes to mind, and that ball in my stomach and ache in my heart is going to swarm over me like a tidal wave.
judging by this entry, you can see where most of my thoughts are at, right? ugh. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| no one will ever be like you.
i still love you, & i miss you.
more than i could ever let you know. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| you think you know someone.
ps; what's the number to voice posting? both of my computers crashed and I am NOT typing out an update on my phone. so if you can find the lj voice posting call center please relay the number to me. thank you. :) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| it's beautiful outside. i'm glad it's nice out. not having a car sucks though cause i can't do anything. looking for a car is harder than i thought. it's hard to not find a piece of shit in your price range. ugh.
tonight evan katie brian and i are BBQing at the house, then brian's taking me to ride go karts and play mini golf! yayyyay!
i can't WAIT to start school.... :D | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| i have SO MANY FUCKING CLOTHES that i don't wear. am i the only one that holds onto shit like this? every time i move, which has been a lot in the past 4 years, i always manage to haul all this shit with me. for what reason? i don't wear it. psh, to be honest, i can't even fit into half of it anymore!
i attempted to take some of my clothes to plato's closet. note to readers: don't do that. they will just piss you off. to an extreme. they should honestly change their name to "bullshit's closet", or better yet, "not your closet". they don't take most your shit! i'm going to give you a pretty good image to put in your head about this place.
upon walking in, you see nothing but a shit load of shirts and stuff, all color coordinated. now some of these shirts are gay as fuck, and none are the same. so going into it you're thinking "yeahh they're gonna take EVERYTHING!" no. those thoughts soon come to a screeching halt.
you walk up to the counter and there's a bunch of SNOTTY ASS BITCHES standing there. they range anywhere from 17-20 years old. they're rude as hell, they have no people skills whatsoever (believe me, i've tried talking to them) and it pretty much comes down to what THEY think of the clothes.
so you give them your basket, or hamper, garbage bag, whatever.. and they write your name on the board and you have to wait at least 15 minutes before they even get around to looking at your shit, whether they're busy or not.
i was intrigued by this process, so instead of "shopping around" i decided to stand there and obnoxiously stare at the girl doing my clothes. now, i'm not saying my clothes are perfect, but like 90 percent of them were name brand (they only take name brand things btw) THIS BITCH didn't even look at half of my clothes, and she just threw them aside.
i love pissing people off without making it seem intentional, so after every item she threw aside i asked "why did you do that?" or "what's wrong with that one?" she was getting livid because i'm sure i was annoying, but i just thought it was funny.
but the point is, they hardly take anything. out of 40 items they took 10. brian brought a bunch of nice shirts and sweatshirts from AE and Hollister and what not, and they didn't even take all of them. "excessive wear" they said. funny how he mentioned to me that he only wore them a few times, and they looked pretty new. oh well.
i just realized i'm off topic here completely. i just felt the need to bitch about plato's closet. ANYWAY. i'm going through my drawers and they are packed. my closet is packed. i have soo many clothes and i only wear like, a third of them. yet i still felt the need to go buy an outfit for my date last night.
brian and i went to texas roadhouse last night. we finally got to talk without me getting emotional, because i just couldn't bring myself to bawl over my steak. i like that we can talk about our relationship. i would say things like "man, i can't believe how much of your shit i put up with" and he would say "i know, if you were any other girl i would have been OUT a long time ago" haha. it's good that we have great communication. we had a great night last night. it's good to go on dates every once in awhile as a couple, it keeps the romance alive.
today i slept a lot for some reason, i've been super tired. but it's soo nice out! i'm thinking about going to take a walk and doing some more cleaning. brian's coming over around 8, and i'm going to surprise him with a nice dinner. not "nice", i'm making spicy tacos with mexican rice and refried beans! soo yummy. he's gotta wake up for work at 5. he's such a hard worker and i don't think he realizes it. he's been working like 7 days a week for the past couple weeks. he's so exhausted. but i'm proud of him.
bah. back to cleaning i guess. why am i still tired :( i don't know, but i gotta do something to wake me up! byeeeeee | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| moving in with people is a lot more complicated than one thinks. not only do you share a house together, but you need to divvy up EVERYTHING. you split the rent, utilities, and cable. but aside from that, you also have to buy your own food, and you ALL have to pitch in on toiletries because everyone wipes their ass and brushes their teeth, don't they?
other roommates constantly eat our food. food we paid money for. even though that fucking sucks and it's almost like a slap in the face, somehow i still find humor in it all. just like everything else. evan and i started writing creative things on our food to keep people away from them. it doesn't work, but it's still hilarious. here are some examples...
Heinz= Meinz
Tater Tots= Tater Nots
Rice a Roni= Get Diced a Roni
Perogies= PerNOgies
Hamburger Helper= Hamburger Slaughter
Texas Toast= Texas Noast
Lucky Charms= Unlucky Charms
and my personal favorite, whenever we order pizza from Pepperoni's, the box label quickly turns to NOPERONI'S.
but. people don't listen. they still eat our shit anyway.
now. if you know me well, which i don't think anyone on my friends list does, you'll know that i have been in an out of roommates ever since i moved here from bordentown, which was january. the situation was worse from jan-march but it's a little better now.
but this FUCKING BITCH is pissing me off. she eats evan and i's food, and doesn't give a fuck. it's funny because she makes it so obvious.. IE: she's the only one home, we're all in bed and it's gone the next morning, etc etc. and it's constant. she's NEVER bought toiletries or anything for the house and she hardly even cleans up after her damn self.
i'm not a big fan of talking shit on people but fuck. this shit pisses me off. i come downstairs this morning and went to put my laundry detergent away, and it felt.... lighter than when i picked it up at shoprite yesterday. HMMMMM. the cap was on tight (i guess she figured i wouldn't notice) and there's DEF like 2 cup fulls missing. i look in the dryer, and there her clothes sit. NICE AND FUCKING CLEAN THANKS TO MY DAMN SOAP. i wanted to squirt ketchup right into the dryer, but i can't be mean to people like that.
the worst part is i don't have a job currently. i have whatever money i have and it has to last me until i get to florida. so i have no fucking income. SHE KNOWS THAT. this bitch is a stripper. she makes "bank" according to what she says when i ask her, so why the fuck is it sooo difficult for her to pick up some laundry detergent?? it's like 10 bucks. fuck.
evan and i are fucking jews when it comes to our food. we know what we have and how much we have of it. i'm as close to a jew as to admitting that i'd know if a fucking marshmallow was stolen out of my lucky charms box. hahaha, ok, maybe not that bad.. but you get what i'm trying to say.
here's a bit of advice. and i'm serious. do not go into living with someone who has never been out on their own before if you have. i don't care if it's your best friend, cousin, whatever. maybe if you're both moving out together you can learn together. but this girl is 19 and she's never been out on her own. so she doesn't understand that things like dish soap, sponges, laundry detergent (ugh), toilet paper, paper towels, toothpaste, tampons, and shampoo are all necessities and they need to be purchased out of your own pocket if you no longer live with mommy and daddy. for some reason it's hard for people to grasp.
that's all i have to say. i just needed to vent a bit. thanks for being there for me LJ. B's here and it's nap time. byeeeeeeeeee write soon | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | update! | | Time: | 02:40 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) cold |
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| so i haven't updated in awhile, and in an attempt to let some of my bottled up feelings out, it's about time i started speaking up on this cyber-blog. even though this touches base on a personal level, i don't feel the need to make this private. because if you sit at your computer and actually read my nonsense, then, well, props to you. i also believe that people who make things private think they're important for whatever reason, which is lameee. so here goes.
for the past 4 years i've been living on my own. most of you know that. it's had it's ups and downs, and for the most part it hasn't been easy, especially with no education under my belt. i've managed to weasel my way into the sales & marketing field, and stacked myself a pretty decent resume. but that no longer cuts it. i'm tired of the dead end sales jobs that are performance based. i need a guaranteed salary. don't get me wrong, i know how to sell shit and make money. believe me. but i'm tired of an unreliable paycheck every week.
my dad has been telling me to move back in with him for years, so i can go to cosmetology school. hair school has been my dream since i can remember. and i've always been doing crazy things to my hair from funky dye jobs, to crazy extensions/cuts/whatever. you name it and i've done it. but the point is, i've been too stubborn to take his word for it and actually go to school. i keep trying to stay out on my own and somehow get a part time job pulling in 400 a week and then go to school part time on top of that. it took me a long time to realize, hey, this is never going to work.
so after many years of being on an independent kick, i have finally decided to throw away everything and move down to florida with him. it's only for 9 months, so it's not a super long time. but this is one of the hardest things i've ever done in my life. i know it's for the better, but it's really taken an emotional toll on me.
brian and i have been together for about 6 months now. he pretty much lives here, so we definitely spend a lot of time together. the hardest part about all of this is leaving him. 6 months doesn't sound like a long time, but it has been. it's ripping me apart that i have to leave him. i don't want to. but i have to. this needs to get done, and i need to start worrying about myself. i'm going to miss him so fucking much. he's not only my lover, but he's my best friend. i don't laugh harder with anyone other than him, i'm never more content and happy than when i'm with him. i don't believe that we're going to be together forever and all that shit, it's too soon to tell or even consider, but we have a connection that i don't have with anyone else. we work. he's so good to me and he does all that he can for me. he's such a great guy. i'm not expecting us to stay together for the 9 months until i come back, that's not realistic. and that's not fair to either of us. so i don't even know what we're doing now. we both tried to "break up" last week but it didn't work because i can't stop seeing him. it's not going to happen that way. sure, it's going to be harder when i leave in 2 months because that will just be 2 more months of us getting closer, but i would rather do that than stop dating now. every time i think about leaving him my eyes welt up, and every night that he's been here since i made this decision i've been bawling my eyes out in his arms. i just feel so secure with him. he makes me feel so special. and i love that feeling.
but even though he's different, i still can't let him get in the way of my aspirations. i've let 2 other ex's slow me down because i thought they were "it" and "the one" and it didn't matter if i went to school cause i was with them, but all they did was prevent me from doing what's best for me. so i just gotta do this and get it over with.
sure i'll be back. 9 months isn't a super long time. and who knows what could happen. the best part is, bri is being so supportive of me. he knows it's best for me and he's really excited for me. even though it hurts, i'm excited too. i'm glad that when i leave we will still be on good terms and we'll still keep in touch. although we both agreed if we start seeing someone else we're not going to be very happy with each other hahaha.
so i sold my car yesterday. after having her for almost 4 years. i'm going to miss her, but i needed the money. i also have to sell all my shit. i've got a fully furnished house and i can't bring any of it with me. grrr. THIS SUCKSSSS! haha. brian's taking me to go look at cars tomorrow so hopefully i find something good!
i'm glad i've decided to do the right thing. i need to start working towards something and having some goals. i've always been a hard worker, but lately i haven't felt like i've been working hard at all. well, i haven't. so this will be good. i start school on july 6th and am done on march 20th. so before i know it i will be back up here with a career.
it's also a really good school. it's a redken school and it's only 9 minutes from my dad. i'm going full time so i can finish quicker. i'm very impressed with everything about it and i know i will be the best of the best in there. i'm very confident in this profession and know i will succeed. it's mon-fri 9-5 and i'm probably going to just bar tend on the weekends (that bar tending school i went to will finally come in handy)
so that's pretty much where i'm at. there are lot of other things going on that i haven't talked about in the past 4 or 5 months, but whatever. maybe i'll update again later. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| i met someone.
and
i'm
falling
in
love
with
him
very
very
fast
:) :) :)
and i can't stop smiling.
he's wonderful. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| hmmmmm....
so i tried the whole having sex like a man attitude, and it just leaves me emptier than ever. the past few guys i have talked to, i ended up fucking, just because i wanted to get laid, but i get attached afterwards. i don't know why, maybe it's cause i'm older. call me a slut, but i used to be able to have sex with someone and not even have a hint of feeling after. i guess i just can't do that anymore.
i don't want to say i'm LOOKING for a relationship. we all know they never come when you look. but i do get a little on the optimistic side after a guy shows an interest in me. i don't get it. i'm talking to this guy now, but he has a girlfriend, so i'm trying to push him as far away from me as possible, because it's pointless to even get into that nonsense. cause if he cheats on her, he'd cheat on me. it's hard not to like him when he always texts me and tells me he wants to see me and shit. not to mention he's so damn cute. i just re-read that and it makes me sound like a homewrecker. but i didn't pursue it. i'm not friends with the girl either. the fact of the matter is, if he cheats, he cheats, and if it's not with me it's with someone else. plus he told me they were on a break anyway. so all's fair in my eyes.
but i always ask myself.. why do i set myself up for these things? i could have gotten another dude that was interested in me, who WASN'T in a relationship. i did all this to myself. and while i'm driving myself crazy over whether he's thinking about me or not, he's probably with her telling her he loves her and shit. crazy, right? and yet all this logic built up in my head, i still can't seem to shake my interest in him. haha.
oiii, men and their head games, lemme tell ya. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i figure i should update because my fingers are working super fast right now, and i need to let out what's going on in my life, instead of talking someone else's ear off.
so one of my best friends chris moved in with me about 6 weeks ago. he got kicked out of his aunts, had no money, and lost his job. so i offered to take him in for a little bit. that's what friends are for, right?
so for the first week or two it was ok. but after awhile, when someone's drinking your beer, eating your food, smoking your cigarettes and weed, and using your electric, it kind of gets super frustrating super fast. not to mention he didn't respect my rules. i let him do whatever, only ONE thing i hate: i don't smoke cigs in my house. it's gross as fuck, and it makes the place stink. over the course of a month, i've asked him about 30 times to not smoke in here, and he just waited til i went to bed at night and did it anyway.
so anyways, he made me take him to his parents house in new egypt to do laundry and get money a little less than two weeks ago. there goes 15 bucks worth of gas. so i pick him up the next day and he said that his parents were going to deposit money into his account the following day and he would reimburse me for some of my troubles. cool, no problem. well, days go by and apparently there's no money in his account. i'm getting fed up at this point....
so yesterday, i went and bought a 24 pack, and asked him politely NOT to drink my beer. i go to sleep, and wake up at 4:30 am cause i'm super sick and couldn't stop coughing. so i go out to get a glass of OJ, and he's sitting at the computer, blaring music. i open the fridge, and out of 24 beers, there's fucking 8 left. EIGHT. he comes in the kitchen, all wasted, slurring his words "ALLISONNNNN... WHATS UP!! listen, i need you to take me home tomorrow. my mom wants me to come home" i didn't say anything except "all my beer is gone" and he laughs and goes "yeah i had a couple hahaha"
i don't know whether it was me being cranky, sick, or just pushed over the edge. but i fucking had it. i snapped. how could he take advantage of me like that? and expect me to drop him off at home and that would be it? all the money he cost me and all i did for him, and he just goes and leaves? i hardly said anything but i made it known i was pissed and went in my room to try and sleep.
i still can't sleep, so i go on myspace on my phone, and we argue through a few comments, and i pretty much call him a scumbag and tell him we can't be friends after this. then the last straw happened. i look at his status and it reads as "i don't feel bad for you" and his mood is "sorry im the man" with a :D face. ohhhhh my godddd. i get up, walk out there, and i'm like "WELL FUCK YOU, FIND YOUR OWN DAMN RIDE HOME TOMORROW. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE YOU HERE WHEN I WAKE UP, YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE YOU LOVE. YOU MILKED THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I WAS TOO NICE TO SAY ANYTHING EARLIER SO YOU JUST DID IT FOR AS LONG AS YOU COULD. FUCK YOU." he proceeds to apologize but how do i believe that when he sits there and laughs about the whole situation.
before i could stop him, he gets up and leaves on foot. keep in mind his cell phone was shut off, and he has no money whatsoever, and he's in short sleeves and jeans. this was at 4:30am and i haven't heard from or seen him since. all his shit is here. part of me is a little worried, but another part of me is telling myself to not give a fuck. i'm sick of being taken advantage of, it's bullshit. he was one of my best friends and all he did was use the shit out of me. promising to get a job, and pay me back, and this and that. nothing but lies.
i went on his myspace only to find a message he sent his aunt saying how he was gonna pay her back cause he just got this new job selling cars. THAT'S MY JOB. how's he gonna lie to his family by telling them he works for the place I work for?
i guess you really don't know someone til you live with them. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| i'm 21 in 5 days, and THAT my friends, is fucking stellar.
dave & busters here i come! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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ALLI
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